Job, studies, family, friends, hobbies. CALUM ROBSON wonders how ACCA students do it.
The concept of a healthy work-life balance seems unattainable to many. Yet it's often those facing the greatest adversity who rise to the challenge and show the rest of us how it's done. Why do some people sail through the daily grind with a smile, while others think they'll never cope?
Not waving but drowning?
Perhaps we're all simply too good at convincing ourselves of our own failings. Certainly, when student accountant put out the call for readers to tell us their strategies for 'having it all', there was no shortage of hard luck stories, often tinged with a depressing pessimism.
'I'm a part-time student, working as an accountant - but I'm failing to manage, as my job is so demanding. I have to meet my deadlines, I have a wife and child who want me to be around and exams always around the corner. So one side of one's life will inevitably have to suffer.'
This is the discouraging state of affairs one father from east Africa finds himself in. And many female students fare little better, like this one from Ireland: 'I work full-time at a job I consider excellent for my circumstances; it has a regular 9-to-5 routine and is only about ten minutes away' - so far so good - 'but while I have a wonderful family life, there are still so many things I could be doing better, and topping the list is the amount of time I spend with my children.
'Social life? This may be where most people suffer the most and I'm no exception. It's hard to even have one when you combiner work and family with studying.'
Even domestic arrangements can seem unmanageable: 'My house is usually tidy - when I'm not preparing for exams,' says one reader. 'But the closer it gets to exams, the laundry basket overfills, the dishes stop getting washed, the living room advertises for a Hoover and the bathroom's a disgrace. This is extremely distracting for me - but with exams looming, these things have to be put on hold.'
Let's talk
Carol Mitchell FCCA is a life coach in Scotland . She believes people's expectations of themselves are too high: 'We constantly crucify ourselves for not doing enough," she says. 'We try to cram 36 hours into a 24-hour day, then wonder why we end up stressed-out. It's so important to make time for your family, home life, leisure and all the other things that keep you sane. Thankfully, working culture is changing but there are still far too many people who feel guilty about putting their children first.'
In Carol's experience, bringing these issues out into the open in the office often yields positive results: 'We're all human - we all have work-life balance challenges, whether we're managers or subordinates. The fear that managers won't empathise isn't usually well-founded. The secret is to raise the subject in a positive context - instead of focusing on the problems, suggest how the workload could be managed in a different way so that your needs can be accommodated.'
Candy Janetta, a life coach who numbers ACCA members amongst her clients, agrees: 'Look for a win-win outcome,' she advises. 'It can seem very hard to stand up to our boss but if you can find a solution that maintains productivity or even provides more flexibility to your manager or colleagues - such as agreeing days when you can each leave earlier or come in later, not just you - then they may be more receptive than you might think.'
Mitchell readily acknowledges that students are often caught between a rock and a hard place: 'Trainees may not grasp what is and isn't appropriate to suggest at work,' she explains. 'They may be terrified of putting a foot wrong or being seen as lacking in commitment - so they go along with the long-hours culture and work their socks off for fear of being sacked by a boss they don't want to approach.
'My advice in that situation is to find a mentor - either an older or more senior colleague or a friend with business experience - to sound them out about raising the subject at work. But be careful to identify someone who has a modern-thinking approach to work-life balance themselves. There are still many businesspeople out there who think striving for a healthy work-life balance is nonsense.'
My family and other animals.
For some, dealing with the boss is easy; it's confronting family and friends, with excessive demands for your time, that poses the stiffest challenge. Yet one reader wrote, 'Friends and family will still be there after the exams. When I'm studying, I tell my friends that I won't be socialising and that they shouldn't ask me out.'
If only it were that easy for everyone. But Mitchell says family and friends should be 'managed' in the same way that we implement strategies to manager our workload - and not to fear the worst.
'Family are tricky. However, you have to explain the impact of their demands, and if possible come up with an alternative. But the critical thing is to focus on what works for you. My clients tell me those conversations are never as bad as they thought they'd be, and that their relatives were actually ok about it. We build up terrible expectations of other people but they're usually more receptive than you predict.'
Learning to say a firm and resounding 'no' for the first time is a hurdle that, once initially overcome, gets easier each time, according to Janetta: 'The more you say no, the less people will ask,' she explains. 'It may sound harsh or even mercenary but you have to continually ask what's best for you and if necessary say no. If you keep saying yes, they'll keep on asking - it's as simple as that.
'Besides,' she continues, 'you have to think about your own health and wellbeing. If you run yourself ragged, you'll end up not giving 100 per cent to anything - including those family members - and that will lead to stress, and potentially to long-term illness. Who benefits from that?'
Me time
Candy Janetta insists that totally unplanned time should also be allowed for.
'You must build in occasions - at least once a week - that are totally unstructured, with no goal other than to do what you want,' she says. 'Whether that sees you lying in front of a trashy television programme, reading or doing the crossword doesn't matter. The key is that you do whatever you want - and that you don't let anyone - least of all yourself - make you feel guilty about it.
'Planning how to spend every single waking hour is counter-productive - it inevitably leads to failure. A treat can be an end in itself; it doesn't have to produce something of tangible benefit to the rest of society.'
Ultimately, though, focusing on an end goal can provide the impetus needed to make the changes needed to restore an acceptable balance: 'It's so hard but it's not only you who suffers if you don't try - those around you do too,' says one reader from England . 'You can't stick to a demanding set routine every night. It's also not fair to expect my kids to be quiet all the time or stop them from staying up late on Friday nights just so that I can concentrate. I remind myself that my family will also benefit if I try to share time with them on the weekends.'
Mitchell agrees: 'Give no more than you're able or willing to - otherwise, you just build up resentment,' she says. 'It takes self-discipline - but no-one can be all things to all people, all of the time.'
Negative balance: what not to do |
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| 1 | Don't think a healthy work-life balance is purely for the weak and uncommitted - even prime ministers, presidents and managing directors make time for home, friends and family |
| 2 | Don't shield your boss from work-life balance issues. The chances are he or she is facing a similar - can you help each other out by negotiating times when you can each nip off early, enjoy an extended lunch-hour or take time off in lieu of overtime? |
| 3 | Don't insist that you can't manage your time better than you already are - almost everyone can prioritise better if they closely examine how they spend time outside the office |
| 4 | Don't say yes to everything automatically - ask yourself how important each demand is within the context of your own life and goals |
| 5 | Don't feel guilty about saying no - nobody has a rightful claim to your personal time but you |
| 6 | Don't set unrealistic goals - striving for perfection is all very well but your idea of perfection should be attainable |
| 7 | Don't take everyone's problems on your shoulders - save yourself for the people who really matter |
